honey fighter jet

what happens in here anyways

2010-07-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

did i talk about my chapbook coming out? (i have not mailed these out to people i said i would mail these out to in forever so please let me know if you still need one [everyone])

i have been sort of busy i dont know.

sometimes, things happen here:

http://coolinternetpresence.tumblr.com/

i am sorry.

readin readin

2010-03-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

short notice/you know how it is:

http://anactualkansas.blogspot.com/2010/03/come-for-literature-reading-on-friday.html

well hello there

2010-01-15T08:21:00.000-08:00

Jeremy stands at the tip of an iceberg. There is a small thing in the air in the distance. First of all, Jeremy thinks, where is all of the blight, anyways? Jeremy looks down at his feet and thinks about how his feet are sinking into the iceberg but also how they are not. There is an image of a corpse under some of the iceberg. Jeremy finds a shovel and digs some of it up. The corpse looks like a Dad or an Uncle.

A small thing in the air gets a bit bigger and Jeremy squints his eyes at it. Jeremy squints his eyes harder and there is a coldness on his nose. In fourth grade. That is what Jeremy is thinking about, he thinks in his head, "In fourth grade."

All of these things stop for a few seconds and then Jeremy clocks in. The iceberg says thank you. Some blood creeps out of Jeremy's nose and it feels like ten small slugs combined into one normal sized slug crawling out of his nose. Jeremy looks up at the sky and tells his heart to skip a beat to slow down some of the slug blood.

"Well hello there." A smiling face and head pop out from the tip of the iceberg. "My name is Oncle."

"Oncle I am busy please."

Oncle looks a little bit sad and throws up a tiny bit. "Guess I will be seeing you, then." Oncle's head and smiling face both go back into the tip of the iceberg. All modes and forms of communication are cut off.

Jeremy sees the small thing in the air get a little bit bigger. His blood gets a bit heavier, all over. The tip of the iceberg smiles a little bit and Jeremy's right foot falls into a little bit of smile. After this, Jeremy falls on his back and maybe broke something in his right foot that is still stuck in the little bit of smile.

Jeremy thinks about his digestive tract. How come I never went back to school, Jeremy thinks. I could have been a neurosurgeon or some kind of dentist or dentist helper. Maybe I could have opened a chain or something else.

Jeremy is done thinking for a little while. He stares at the sky and doesn't see much besides a few cirrus clouds. Jeremy thinks Fuck you cirrus clouds you are my least favorite of the clouds. Maybe I could rekka punch my way out of this.

Jeremy thinks "wah-taaah" and then thinks of Bruce Lee and then thinks of conflagration.

The blood slugs its way back into Jeremy's head. Jeremy hears a squawking.

domino's pizza, papa john's pizza

2009-11-26T08:10:00.000-08:00

do you ever wonder about the incoming shipments?
about the crossed swords and about the neatly trimmed?

run stop fierce run stop fierce run stop fierce run stop fierce

(tired of short poems, long poems)

HOW MUCH PIKA

2009-10-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

2009-09-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

under my coat is a blanket and then a knife.
a beetle decided to die on my drawing of a man who is giving a thumbs up.

did you know: s
outside the fear sort of sinks when i cannot see what i have done
they are invisible almost and confused the frequent animals
other times we sit around
and oh if i really could right now
it would sound like we were in a car and the car is bread
and the car is bread and there are mountains with the internet
i'm a body kind of USB but outside we're the old network
i thought about buying you some scented oils from the man at the bus stop
another man called me "boss"
big boss. big boss. big boss.

In-nn

2009-09-21T15:11:00.000-07:00

corsica is a place in the mountains.
corsica is a sort of inability.

how much time do you spend on that? well, i've got about a few dozen or so and
well also i think that

who says what, anymore? i remember that one time i jumped down a staircase. i remember that one time i craned my head backwards, craned my neck backwards and said

"well i sure don't remember doing that."

all of the days go by, the shortstop trips on his glove, the bermuda triangle howls quietly. jeremy asks, "how much money you all make?" and tips his bat at a cloud. jeremy folds his hands like a snake and makes dead eyes. "how much money you all got?" jeremy tips toward another cloud. "how many times you all get money?"

HOW MUCH LIVIN DO YOU DO #3 FT. ???

2009-08-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

How Many Times U Post A Thing

2009-08-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

Life As A Big Time Person

2009-07-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

I sat there for a little bit and then there was a cloud and then there was another cloud.
There were two bottles of something, one of them could have been shampoo.
A favicon.ico crawls out of the sand and bites some part of flesh below the knees and that is okay.
FAVICON.ICO, I say, what do you want from me ever. It chirps and kills itself and it bleeds on the sand for a little bit.
There is a firework going across the sky and it doesn't do anything.
"That is a firework in the sky and"
favicon.ico bleeds a little bit more and coughs and a tiny vulture looks at it.
"That firework is floating for a while and eats nothing"
The firework explodes like it should but it sounds like a whale and the vulture catches on fire.
IT IS MY PHOENIX is what is in my head and the vulture doesn't care about the favicon.ico and it eats nothing.
There is a tiny phoenix and it runs into the vulture mid flight and they both catch on fire again.
favicon.ico cannot move its legs and it crawls into my eye.

"Ha ha ha it is like I am watching Predator again."
"Shut up I am in your cerebral cortex right now."
"Oh okay you think so?"
"No now I am in your brain stem I think."
"arrrrrrrrgggghhh"

Life As A Big Time Person

2009-07-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

It all smells like carpet here. It smells like small tanks of ink.
The wall looked like it wanted some kind of puncture. Hey, hey. You.
Yeah.
Instead of crawling up we didn't do anything. We didn't keep a "we" in anywhere.
Remember when we went to the pond?
Everything starts to click and stop. I sit down make kind words at the wall and the wires.
YOU KNOW WHAT

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING

all eyes inside of me pull and wreck up towards the direction.

I'M ON A BASE.

There is a top screen, high above our speech. How do I roll down the hill? I will be gone for so long and no shapes or wires or boards will know of it. The company doesn't know who I am anymore.

one and two, and three

2009-07-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

tonight the road looked like my new skin
my new skin hates myself, it is like tired flesh of fruit
if you got a plum and aggravated it, if you rubbed it a lot.
it shifts around and talks about other men
talks about a strong kind of face.

i find it in another place; i'll make a building in the mountains for you.
this is what i will do.
i want nothing else but to find a barrier.
i've been "let go" from whatever jobs i had
i've been diametrically opposed to strong effort
and i want us to live in silent or calm moments
or at least fifty square feet of understanding.

//////////////////////////

he said it'd rain.
or, to do something
(i fixed the picture)
where is the plate of broken plastic
and where is anything i want.
my contemporaries feel like children when i am a dignified child.
do you know which is my syndicate? it looks like
^________________________^
or
^____________^;;;;;;;

or everyone gets married and i'll buy a car
or someone is slightly gap toothed.
[SOME OTHER CAVE, SOME OTHER TOWN, SOME OTHER SERIES OF TOWNS]
oh i will cry (out) sometimes
all over dirty skin, maybe.

/////////////////////////

all like turnips.
all like forceps.
does the evacuated bi-lo have security alarms?
do the rocks have anything to do with it?
all we did was play the drums and the cops came.
how much running did we have to do
or how much borderline functioning?
this is for everyone, i think.
everyone has a steel leg.

hour hour hour hour hour hour

2009-06-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

oh there are a hundred roads and there are a hundred miles
next time
or small burrowing a hundred miles underground

online online

hey did you know about frame advantage?
i can't stand these paved roads anymore.
sometimes i am driving and think about how some kinds of things feel pressing
then i think about it some more and they aren't they really aren't
i'd write a big thesis on those things
some sunlight bounces off of something and into an eye
some eye somewhere
i almost get killed in a car crash and laugh
"what are they gonna do, FIRE me?"

besides what

2009-06-26T23:42:00.000-07:00

long times about sleeping, thinking.
i made a raft! it crossed another 8x8 grid and i felt better.
did you know? all kinds of things?
after the shower it was so strange, nights of literal floods
and "oh, don't worry, i didn't see your parts"

like i was a car, or a vacuum cleaner
i am like those things, sometimes, how did she know?
"never grow up to be like that"
dying in hawaii or something like that

oh, i want to let you know about the bahamas
fifty times, i have said, "nothing else"
and the gradual incline of saturation.

hey, baby, let me take care of that for you.
i made twenty dollars today. i made ten dollars.
i made a wonderful amount of distant text.
my name is nothing else besides what you want it.

HOW MUCH LIVIN DO YOU DO #2

2009-06-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

HOW MUCH LIVIN DO YOU DO

2009-06-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE
OR, OTHER WAYS TO LIVE

Grape Flavor

2009-05-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

there are multitudes of ethernet cords breaking the VIA APPIA
are there multitudes of ethernet cords breaking the VIA APPIA

the news came on today in so many places and the news stopped working for me.
the news was banking on the latest review or the latest pandemic.

what happens when twenty kinds of voices start to calm down
also, never play border down
never play mars matrix
all my life has been in MAX CHAIN

instead, minutes. instead, touch tone.

the man next to me was like a dog in dreams. the propeller tore through my neck and my arms. it tore through my arm and then tore through my neck and then tore through my arm. i jumped into a plane that had a hole in it and the only option was for love followed by violence and then violence followed by love. the women screamed and the men screamed or the men screamed and the women screamed.

Click "Become a Fan" to connect to her.
Become a Fan of Lady Gaga

no microscopes

2009-05-14T00:17:00.000-07:00

if i were to be the one when glass was breaking
(like it was a few years ago, when i was talking about dolphins
(fuck the dolphins, fuck the eagles))
i would be out there, fifty times
and then i'd shoot my gun into the air
there would be bullets and they would fall after being shot

and there would be streams of something else
and all things growing red and leaking
and some greek god would take note
the greek god would say something, think something
and the greek god would somehow lift me up
maybe not in a specific sense
but maybe take me out somewhere and talk about my red eyes
the greek god would sit me down and look at me

maybe something about lava, or eyes, or hair
maybe a brief moment of nothing but staring

this is all a parallel to how we won the war

this is a large page in a large book. oh, we talk about it
we talk about how there are other people looking and talking and publishing
and we talk about how we are sitting, scripted, it feels

they tell me they love me and make vague references to their faces
the greek god coddles me (it means two things:
cuddle indulgently or to put in water just below boiling point)
and i give the greek god a can of colt 45

2009-05-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

i'm going to get this out of the way
skillfully breaking lines and telling myself
remember when everyone didn't smell like dust

making up a thing about apartments

2009-05-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

instead of seeing anything i shut up and say something about my bones.
like, what is the quickest way of getting fat, what is the best way to fall asleep on a couch
or, what kind of type combination is the best
instead of falling down the stairs i sit at a desk and say hello, yes, they've been expecting you.
instead of really. big. alarm systems catching up to me. ghost systems. tired systems.

the kind of internet i no longer want to be a part of. the binary kinds of YES/NO THUMBS UP/DOWN or even the almost binary of LIKE without DISLIKE but the real binary is ATTENTION/IGNORE which makes sense. my out of five star living.

i. already. wrote. my. dissertation. baby.

or a way to climb a vertical wall.
OR, WAIT, HOW WE WEAR JEANS??

the modest solution + milk + needs to be whole milk.

my craigslist ad will be about what i should eat. dwindling white male seeks large tub of nutritional shakes.

stretching arms out for ghost things. there are binary doppelgangers

YOOOUUUTUUUBEEE

2009-05-09T01:36:00.001-07:00

that is a new thing people are searching for.

it is also what i labeled my youtube page. i did not know it existed when i labeled it.

hello, the internet!

my name is all sorts of things. it can be "______" and "**** ******" and "****** ********* ******"

please, get to know me. i'm a faust.

and now:

it ain't throwin up in the sky
and there are times where i'm completely physical
and there are speedometers made out of tight denim
my life is auto tuned in bringing times of
HEY THE BEST FIRDAYS
and there is a moment of short time
and there is a moment of nutrition
and there is the definite shudder of fear

my name sounds like a very tiny guinea pig eating a protein bar.

2009-04-26T09:56:00.001-07:00

oh all i remember is slowly crawling to the ground when there was, perhaps, minimal threat. it was like i saw a quarter i wasn't too interested in. i/it was off the chain. i am not used to how people do anything they do. everyone is yelling something but all i want them to yell is SIT THE FUCK DOWN

what up. what up.

fffffff

ARE YOU STILL HERE?

2009-04-26T01:27:00.000-07:00

aaaaaaaaa

2009-04-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

Just me and my tube. Just me and my awfully awkward and misplaced sentences. Just me and my French guy who makes a sound. Just me sitting and people maybe not quite feeling very comfortable. I recognize this.

There are mute people looking at other people and the other people yell at the mute people saying CAN'T YOU TELL THAT I'VE ALREADY GOT IT HERE. IF YOU READ ABOUT ME YOU'D ALREADY KNOW SO GET OUT OF HERE.

Here we are at the crash site and everyone is okay. There is only 1% of anything. I like how we smell, we as the complete sense of everyone. Did you know! About! My lack!

You can see a small mammal on a webcam sitting in its natural habitat. It doesn't really broadcast to anything and there is another animal in the background. I'm already tired of animals and I'm certainly not going to think about robots. Here is my novel, it is called: How Many Times Do I Have To Take All Of Us Back To The God Damned Supermarket?

The novel consists of a small group of friends (and also enemies!) who have to keep going back to the supermarket, because they forgot an important item. The effects and forgetfulness stack upon each other. The supermarket is owned by nobody, but a couple of people feel that they have to maintain order in the supermarket.

DID YOU KNOW. I MAKE THE WORLD TURN.

2009-04-21T13:35:00.000-07:00

I cannot tell if the neighbors downstairs are yelling at each other or are watching daytime/court TV. I fear of living things living. I will just wait until someone challenges me, which just happened.

"sade"

There are odds and there are blinking orange lights. Both are chip kills. I'm a big pillar under covers. Under these circumstances I. Milk. Mettsatsu. Calling it a "youthful practice upon stimulus" and "tiny animals in the blood."

Oh we

orate and that isn't about sex.

BLUE GRASS OUTSIDE. TALL GRASS AND A CAT NAMED CRACKERS.
CRACKERS GET DOWN FROM THERE and the next day Crackers is at my door and I jump and pet him and think about stealing Crackers.

2009-04-18T01:55:00.000-07:00

Really, though. I can't keep my own brows. This is familiar. This is a shape that I've known for a while a year and more ago. My left arm and my constant brow my stupid self I've known and tried to say Hello How Are You. How do I make it so that, you know, there is a prominent and constant thing here. Last time it was your voice that I didn't know but fell asleep to.

There are so many affluent people, there are so many people to call on the phone.

Instant Air Dash. Or, How I Make Tiny Diamonds From My Tonsils. I can't call things the things they are, I make them too busted. Instead I have to lean on the rails, I have to spell things differently. My binary Hello and my binary How Often.

making a dinner

2009-04-15T10:07:00.000-07:00

i know where lebron is at. he asks do you know where lebron is at and the reply is i know where lebron is at.

lebron is selling protein bars outside. he said shipping will cost more than the product. i said okay. i'm on the phone telling people about lebron but they're looking at my tiny feet and there is a large, powerful surge of eating beans from a can.

i'm going to show people a website, or, a series of websites. lebron will take my hand and say i have your hand now you fucker. updating your lebron is almost complete. your lebron needs to be restarted for the updates to take effect. your lebron will automatically restart in 4:05 minutes.

here is a picture of lebron taking my hand: :{}

hey man wanna keep up.

fact: robins have tinier proximity alarm spheres than those weird black birds with the yellow beaks do. this allows for the robin to be approached and rendered in a favorable fashion. i woke up and ate a bunch of cashews and thought "THIS IS THE WRONG SEASON"

lebron booked a flight out to new mexico and i stood there on the tarmac waving my arms in the air and breaking my wrists in the process. lebron booked a flight back and rebroke my wrists on the tarmac. lebron bought me a stick of dynamite, a range rover, and an old bank. be creative, he said.

i said you're wearing me out.

i said slam dunk. no not up against the wall like that, not that way because that hurts.

there is a barracuda in an aquarium eating something says lebron. i tell him okay that is good to know. we fly to the aquarium and he says yeah, told you, there it is.

lebron finds it possible in
a nice way to find out that really
just
you know, the barracuda
and the aquarium
birds birds birds
and
fish fish fish
concentrating on bfa and mfa and nba
doctorate in not eating

We're Going Give Them Away For Free

2009-04-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

I WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT

2009-04-04T14:11:00.001-07:00

THERE IS A LARGE BIRD OUTSIDE
AND ALL I DO IS EAT WAX.

THERE IS A NICE MAN OUTSIDE
CLICKING HIS HEELS.

ARTIST'S SKETCH:

:D

I WAS WE WERE
YOU WERE

HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE CALLED ME ADONIS:

A SEAL
A BEAR
A WALRUS
A FOX

HERE WE ARE ON A BOAT
AND ALL I DO IS LEARN THINGS.

ME AND MY LITTLE BROTHER WENT WALKING DOWN THE STREET
WE WENT INSIDE AND THREW ROCKS UNDER CARS
AND ALL WE SAID WAS "FOURTEEN NINETY-TWO, YOU FUCKS"
AND ALL WE DID WAS SIT ON THE SIDEWALK AND SHAVE
AND ALL WE DID WAS READ THE BIBLE INTO EACH OTHER'S FACES

BESIDES THAT, NOTHING ELSE.

CALL ME PERSEUS, CALL ME PERCEVAL.

2009-03-18T20:57:00.000-07:00

this is how my day is:

a stupid mirror with a long jet reflection. i am wearing a wig that looks like a dog that never stops barking.

my neck feels like a steel pole. my neck feels like a kind of thing that doesn't have to move but it certainly should, because necks move.

there is a growth on the leg of my beagle. it never stops.

it all sounds like a growth.

look at this face. look at a giant fire. (we make a large search for the word "write" and everything starts to fall down. there is a woman in her car and a wall falls on top of her. a wall from a building decides to give way and stops holding itself. i start to cry and then the china cabinet tries to pat my back and i say "no, no china cabinet, i cannot let you know")

all of my toes stretch out like something. they look like dried grape vines. "hey man, let's just fall asleep in the car."

i call it "post-hugo" but it doesn't matter. i forget to eat something. there are vibrations in some inner bones and i forget how to operate. i break down and i know i am breaking down and the ice box says something to me.

walking into pawn shops is like walking into the movie theater. walking into the door is like breaking all sorts of bones (all of us might say "shit" now)

there is music and there is a complete lack of operation. there are kinds of animals that want to be cooped up and there are kinds of animals that don't recognize that they are animals.

assorted news and things:

2009-02-24T16:00:00.000-08:00

hello.

- most of my blog hits come from people searching things like "badada badada badada ba da"
which result in (oh no my font) those people being directed to this part of my blog:

http://neo-conceptual-dirt-biking.blogspot.com/2008/09/ba-da-ba-da-da-da-ah-ya-ya-ba-da-da-da.html

most of these places are from countries that are not the united states.

-my font is courier now

-street fighter iv (4/four) came out recently. i think it is good but i haven't spent a lot of time with it.

-i am stealing internet because my neighbors took off their password protection for some reason.

-my font is lucida grande

-every day i wake up and insult myself in realistic and unrealistic ways. i get out of bed and eat best value or best choice toaster pastries. they're the best part of my morning then i give a presentation on albert schweitzer if i spelled it correctly. (i did)

-the presentation consists of enlarged text from the text edit program (a friend of mine agrees that this is the best way to write on your computer) and a few black and white pictures of schweitzer helping people in africa.

my arms break all of the time. i was writing fan mail to soulja boy and a man in a suit had two boards and another man in a suit had a glove on. the men in suits had earbuds inside of their ears. they would move in small choppy moments and smile and shake their hips sometimes. the man with the boards held them out and bent his knees a little bit and stared at my chin. the man in the suit with the glove on took my arm and placed my elbow on one board and my hand on the other board.

i kept saying "stop it i am trying to write fan mail."

after that i would just stare around my apartment like there were wonderful, new things on the walls and ceilings. everything was really good.

i looked up at the man in the suit with a glove on and smiled at him like he was water. he looked at me and said, "i really want to play 50 cent's new video game."

i said, "yeah, yeah, i do too."

2009-02-19T00:37:00.000-08:00

last month i was in the arcade but it was in a dream. it was actually three years ago.
besides that the man said "no nothing else" and "no no I don't think any more"

it was a dark place but also something else i knew about. i made my way there. my mother forgot about me and my father abandoned me.

i played virtual on and i was locked inside and i slept on the concrete.
falling downstairs was the best thing to happen to me.

I mean, GRANOLA

2009-02-13T08:12:00.000-08:00

???

2009-02-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

my aesthetics

2009-02-04T18:38:00.000-08:00

my aesthetics etc etc they stopped mowing the lawn.

i said to them you'd better start mowing that lawn again.

my aesthetics told me to talk about it on my blog.

2009-02-03T06:18:00.001-08:00

everyone's hair was up in pigtails. or, most people liked pigtails.
in another life francine existed as no more pigtails.
francine was calm and rarely indignant. more people stopped at buildings.
buildings weren't much of a problem anymore.
last night a fraction of women put their hair in pigtails
and said to themselves, "i'm gonna drown all of my contacts."
next in line was francine who found herself at night
and maybe she had pigtails then but either way
she had

real nice legs

to put one hand on one knee, and, and
i slept on a piano bench last night
and before that i printed out "direct human function"
and on the bench all of the water in my body lifted up
my water broke a stair rail and called me a whore
and francine woke up to catalog the night's events.

the 69th blog post is sex themed

2009-01-29T12:28:00.000-08:00

everyone would laugh when a 69 would come up because, even though we were in middle school and had not experienced mutual, simultaneous oral sex, we laughed because we didn't know how to react to mutual, simultaneous oral sex. later, all of us would learn that if someone had 69 in their screen name (SN) they were most likely a sex bot or a local slut. on rare occasions the 69 was used in an ironic manner for those of us who had developed a sense of irony.

music television was not held in any regard. sex was implied in a large portion of programming and i felt like, totally not turned on, giiirrrll and was apprehensive about going into a room where a camera won't follow because of basic cable.

as with many things, accidents led to new discoveries.

shoutout shoutout y'all

i understood what prostitutes were and what they did. they stand around outside for a reason.

rocko's modern life implied masturbation, and i was pretty cool with that. subconsciously, at least.

thanks viacom.

anyways.

most of my friends lost their virginity around the same time in high school. my friend's new girlfriend had already had sex before, and i remember hearing things about backs being rubbed raw in a hotel tub, because, because you're probably not supposed to have sex in a dry hotel tub anyways.

TRL: 50!

TRL: Baby.

50 Cent: Yeah.

TRL: How you feelin’?

[Inaudible]

[Inaudible}

[Inaudible]

50 Cent: Bein’ dropped.

TRL: Being dropped.

50 Cent: Bein’ dropped.

TRL: Being dropped.

50 Cent: Bein’ dropped.

TRL: Being dropped.

50 Cent: Bein’ dropped.

TRL: Being dropped.

50 Cent: Bein’ dropped.

TRL: Being dropped.

here is a picture to displace any thoughts you no longer want.

when i feel like shit i watch fighting game tournament videos on youtube and sometimes make text comments

2009-01-24T18:32:00.000-08:00

here is a text comment:

there is no sound for this video. there is no sound for this video. the only sound i am hearing right now is the sound of fingers hitting keys on a keyboard of a macbook pro, and not one of the new ones. it is an old one. it is a pretty old macbook pro. hugo is not winning and that is a shame. there are a lot of hugo vs urien matches for some reason, when i look up hugo videos. hugo just won that round. he's using the hammer mountain super, that's wonderful. hugo won again. okay.

and now hayao isn't doing shit. as a poor analogy, it is like thinking i can do just as good because in that specific video it looked like he was just poking a bunch and follows up knockdowns with some giant palm bombers followed by dMK which is what i do, this is what i said is what i do when i play. don't see hugo/GOUKEN matches a lot anyways so. i always associate with YSB anyways but you know.

now YSB is just beating a lot of people in a row, but they don't have names. this is YSB versus a lot of people without names. apparently they go by colors which means there can't be more than 8 easily identifiable BIG NAME players for each character. i'm watching everyone play third strike and it is all about sitting at home getting drunk and feeling sort of off about everything i do but also feeling like i can do these things but people don't know because i am not a loud person.

the phrase "infinitely pissed off"

Earping

2009-01-23T15:40:00.000-08:00

here is a large picture of a tower
inside of it is a large hunk of plastic
the plastic sounds like a kegger
all of us are at the kegger and we're making something
it is called "bandwidth" and it hurts.

wyatt earp tells us about the picture
he starts to talk about his old house
he starts to talk about his old dog
wyatt earp doesn't make eye contact
he cannot speak too easily, it seems
so we make a circle around him and sit
"indian style" and tell him nice things

-this picture is not that bad
-wyatt this picture won't matter
-i am sure your dog made it
-i, too, am sure your dog made it
-mister earp, here, have my apple

wyatt tears off his moustache and tears up the carpet
he walks out of the room and the picture hits the moustache
we make ghost sounds

2009-01-19T15:49:00.000-08:00

I'm writing a gigantic book called The Time of Day
and I have a new EP out next Tuesday.
I've had sex with On Kawara (if it should be mentioned)
and like the fact that we can go A-B-C
I'm like all of those things.

2009-01-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

Dear readers, I'm not making this an event. This edition of Grape Vine is the last one. I'm sick and tired of making podcasts without an provocative amount. Listen, if you want to make me proud just show me something new. How about that new movie? You have to understand that I like, I LIKE new movies. Guys, I have to call it. I have to throw it in right now while the "getting is good". I'm ever expansive and I'm not going to be relegated to what YOU GUYS think should be a proper form. No, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let me start over.

Dear readers, this edition of Grape Vine isn't going to be the same like the past editions of Grape Vine. The next place you will see Grape Vine won't be on here. Sure, I might LINK to it or something okay. It will be something you like, I'm willing to bet. Or, well, I'm not sure. I'm gonna be trying hard anyways!!

Anyways, please, take your time and enjoy this edition like you would any other. I've selected a wonderful group of people like always and MAN I think this is going to be the best yet until the next reincarnation! Let me know what you think of this edition and I will put your feedback into consideration, but please remember I am going to be VERY BUSY so give me an email at:

BIGDAWGPUBLISHING@GMAIL.COM

Sincerest regards,
J. Sparrs

GRAPE VINE FINAL EDITION

Jermoe Cullier
Find a Fish Finding a Forthright Fish

I cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue
Actually don't I understand this

Looked that it is not too understandable! It is about the truth

Looked like my own two children

Joce "Ceephax" Clawton
YouTube Assemblage '89

Ramona Childson-Fulbrightonberg
corpus shirt on a back of live animals

I hooked my big toe around it
I would have to yell for help

but she lets me unload there too

I discover an extension my other life abroad
My back shot out like grapes
In Germany I don't consider in all good faith

I LOVE These People!!

Yours was a life worth saving. This means you have six days to learn the sign language for “marijuana.” Who's Kelly? Because I love her. She's the neat pile of leaves outside.

Error generating thumbnail

The source file for the specified thumbnail does not exist.

hey everyone:

2009-01-14T07:07:00.000-08:00

hey everyone i made you a song. it is called O Susan.

Oh Susan.
Oh Susan.
Hello Susan.
Susan keep on crying for me.
Oh Susan.
Oh Susan hello.

(Chorus)
Susan.
Susan.
Susan.
Susan.

2009-01-13T06:51:00.000-08:00

People tell me about "systems" and what they do. My first system was the Nintendo Entertainment System. That was a bad joke, but it was also a mean-ass sentence if you want to think about that some more. (Do not.)

The first one was probably a mobile. The first one was probably the womb. I would talk about how the first one was probably my own body or maybe a couple of cells but then someone would talk to me about how that is impossible for some cells or something else to have a system. I am pro-fucking. I am pro-awareness-of-shit.

Point BEING. I got my gearhead (Thanks dude, thanks man, thanks buddy, thanks man, thanks guy, thanks face, thanks dogface, thanks buddy) fix and now I since I have followed ONE system of exploits (rules and steps and everything) I have another, but, uh, before that one I had to filter through some others. But now. I've got frat parties going on and some guy is like, "Who the fuck is this bird man with the cape?

Where's The Hulk?"

NINE STAR PARTY

Life As A Big Time Person

2009-01-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

Out by the banks I'm

FUCK

FUCK

getting my card punched like daddy used to. When I'd go uptown I'd click things out like then. Big chips in the sky and with my chisel to buildings. I'd have it spell out all sorts of things but I would end up thinking, "DICK MOVE, MAURICE" and rub my knees and have my eyes hit back of forth and

I understand all sorts of things.

Come on guys. Fffffffff. Come on. Ffffffff. Next day all like GOLD LIGHTAN. Eating shit on the Y-axis invert kids with bricks COME ON GUYS. I like, you. Hey, hey I llllllllllllll

llllllllllllll

EAT SHIT SCRUB.

lllllllll, fffffflllllllllllllllllllll

Momma says RUN RUN FOREVER. Momma says RUN RUN ALWAYS. EAT SHIT AND THEN DIE OR RUN.

Life As A Big Time Person

2009-01-08T16:45:00.000-08:00

My name was collected like a coin over again. It was night time and it was also foggy and there was a large light five miles away. I kept telling myself that. It started with Remus and then it started with Globetrotter and then it started with Shermie. Other times it went to Blackboard-Pugh and then it went to Holden Shepard. It was also Creamed Corn and it was also The Greatest Bilge. My closest friends at the time would call me Rerun, after Rerun. Next time I had another group of closest friends they called me Rerun, after the other Rerun.

Other people called my legs Josephine and my arms Caroline Why Don't You.

I am also known as Herbert Hoover, William H. Macy, and Edgar Pedroza. I've found Michael Saffron, Leonard Reeno, Jane Fonda, Bertrand Shoop-Shoop, Fungus, and Bertolt Brecht on my walks.

Sometimes I make my face too tight because I know too much. I like to think my eyes go backwards for a moment and the ridges of my nostrils suck inward, slightly.

All of us said I should be Emmanuel Knife, some of us said I should be Courtlin Byrd, some of us said I should be Finnegan's Wake. We made a Venn Diagram and spit our blood on it.

Calender Forge, Timothy Faust, Carl Sombers, Douglas Copeland, Roger Murphy. Those have their places. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes all of it makes my kneecaps burn and I have to sit down and sob into my hands.

It just occured to me so I had to say, "Oh, Great."

I pointed across the river but it never really mattered. I felt like grass under water and added Ryuichi Sakamoto, Cums Mangold, Lifetime Roberts, Jeremy Billows.

The JC Penny's catalog had nothing for me. The JC Penny's Official Reader told me, once and only once, that if I wanted to keep it, you know, a Thing, I had to look happy. I added Jeffrey Brown and Marsha Cline. All of the chairs were golden at that moment. I had the intense urge to hold one of them but I had to play it cool. Oh, I wanted to go back but the JC Penny's Official Reader told me not to come back for our sakes.

Ginger Root, Mitch Styles, and Anthony Bourdain.

Some of my closest friends called me Old Hat.

I had a few times where they would call me Endless Rope and Graham Feldman. Sometimes, when it worked, Honey.

I think it is raining now. My name is Shortstop. Gotta eat. Gotta spend some time away.

Life As A Big Time Person

2009-01-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap
that is eleven tappings and that could probably be enough.
point is, i probably grew up in a barrel, but nobody bothered to tell me.
it was probably a metal barrel. i've got marks that look like rust beneath my skin.
it was probably punched because there are definite punch marks on my skin that look like they hit me through a barrel.
if it were a wooden barrel i would have splinters.
it constantly feels that i am rolling so i assume i was punched while rolling down a hill.
my person is so weightless, constantly, that i feel no connection to the things i touch.
yesterday i touched a small dog and it felt like air that would try and bite me.
i also attempted to touch a chair with my rear end. i fell off of the chair and things felt absolute and in place.
i used to walk outside.
i'm tired of eating, i'm tired and boney, i'm beginning to understand how i function.

though, i've felt that i must counteract my feeling of perpetual rolling, or sliding, or being punched through metal.
how, though. uh.
i started wearing clothes that had no connection to me. i put on a lion's skin. i fought with retailers.
JC Penney's had nothing on me. i had next to nothing on JC Penney's. i called their offices and read their catalogues.
inside the dressing rooms i heard:

hmmruhmp
uurpf
mmmmmmmm
dang girl
gumph, guuph, ffffuph
no, NO, NO, NO STOP, NO, STOP IT NO
ffffuph
blummmg. rrrrnnnnah
*cell phone playing dixie*
*cell phone playing dixie*
*cell phone making a brief sound*
*cell phone flipping open*
*sounds of buttons being depressed*
ffffuuuh, aauh-huuuuuuh
*a sound of a button being depressed*

the next sound i heard was a brief conversation about yes mom i am coming home soon.
i thought about a mom, i thought about a barrel, i thought about short carpet and metal hooks.
i didn't have enough time, probably. for anything, so.

the lion skin was pretty good, i think. maybe it was boring, it was just a lion skin with lion hair on it.
i made it a point to cut the face off but keep the mane. i forget about the tail now, the tail wasn't on my mind.

OKAY, MOM, OKAY.

guuphh, nnnnnauh.

livin on a prayer came on the tiny speakers and i sat down for a while.
woah woahow ow -woahow -woaow -aawowah.
(this is air talk boxing you stupid fuck)

someone said Can I help you sir?
i kicked their head because who offers help to someone in a dressing room?
all i heard was "grauhg" and there was a puddle of blood like a quarter dollar.

i said More like OBAMA DOLLAR and laughed for a bit.

biwl woo-ohmuh

2009-01-03T10:32:00.000-08:00

biwl woo-ohmuh has been seen in functunuhwl pwess and his most wecent cowwection of poesy is cawwuhd "ohm, uuuewwuh, somefing wike a boom acwoss da base ob my stohnuhm" (coppo-minuh-pwess 2008) biwl doesn't know how mammy fweinds he hads. cowwendwee biwl is wohking on a nobuhl wif a secwet pohsuhn. he tells pubwishers cohnuh jouhnawist cwemsy bankenforp, "de secwet pohsuhn is gonna be a suhpwise!!" biwl cowwendwee weeuhvs wif alod of chiwdwhen in new bowguhndy, cawifonuh also wif some dowggies.

fwankwin bwoono

2009-01-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

fwankwin bwoono was bown in nineteen fivdee two do a warge famwee of big owed nice people. he cowwently wiuhvs in newtown, massatusets where he wikes to pway big owed funny instwuments. fwankwin has been pubwished in many liduhwawy magazines and poesy jownuhls acwoss da gwobe. some of his wouhks incwude "hep me find mah tennis wacket" pubwished by funny doo dah pwess, "gub gub gub and gub" pubwished by gwinnin' & owin' money jownuhl and has made appearwuhnces in the penultimate fwatwicide compiwation wiff poesy-mates mitch hughfee, nowuh gumm-sorbuhm, and GRBWN. fwankwin also has a summoh home somewhere in new yowuhk wiff some goats and peopoh i dunno.

the red lummox

2008-12-31T06:23:00.000-08:00

the red lummox was in the kitchen making toast. or. the red lummox was standing in the street. people on the news said, "it could rain down like GULLIVER'S TRAVELS" and then maintained broadcast silence.

the red lummox was in the chinatown arcade standing in a puddle. uh. or, uh. in a large electric tube. you'd think he would be playing zangief.

MAKES
SENSE
HUH

first a kind of whiplash like. er. second the song "black betty" in a children's theater. someone had said, "burn all the telephone wire" and then made it a point to let people know about their roughed-up elbows.

the red lummox foricbly stood up from his stool. he had lost all of his quarters. they rolled about his circumference and. they uh. my first name was The Gaza Strip and my last name was Higgins.

during those last twenty years i made the world's first life affirming truth, the standing 720+p. i learned to drive. i learned to cook. i learned to make sculpture. i learned to perform viable discourse. i fused some skin together. i was an actor. i brought forth some different kinds of oatmeal. i learned about the stars and what they may or may not mean. i became a featherweight. i became a middleweight. i found my place as a welterweight. i went to school and made a few things of note. i got out of school. i learned about the overarching nature of sonambulism and how it affected people. back then i learned a lot of things.

the red lummox thought he was on a train for a while. people had marble things on their shoes, maybe they were scuffed with something that looked like marble. someone said, "you little shit" but they were not really looking at anything. the red lummox pressed his face on what was probably a window. he had a daydream about a pork roast and when he bit into it it turned into a phd and then it turned into a pork roast again. um.

a grouper is a kind of fish. cinema verite is a kind of film. a dwarf is a kind of fantasy creature. a boathouse is a kind of boat and a kind of house. a termite is a kind of insect. a buttress is a kind of a part of a building. a saucer is a kind of plate. a bishon frise is a kind of dog. a femur is a kind of bone. an island is a kind of landmass. a timpani is a kind of drum. an MIM-104 Patriot is a kind of missle. a leg is a kind of body part.

2008-12-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

it is like years ago when a big UN was on my shirt and i went to school too early only to sit around and still, always, eat nothing.

2008-12-24T14:40:00.000-08:00

2008-12-24T13:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

The doctor says the renal failure is not a problem. They have these things that are, like, uh, little tubes that look almost like fingers. The doctor says that renal failure is common with people my age. The doctor told me that even he has renal failure. That THE PRESIDENT has renal failure. It is more common to have renal failure than it is to not have renal failure. Dear Diary do you have renal failure? On the couch I think about my renal failure. At that same time I go "ffffffffffffff" and roll off of the couch thinking "fffffffffff" and the doctor gives me a call. The doctor says that if I don't do something about my renal failure it will go away. Of course I want to keep my renal failure I tell him. He tells me to meet him by the medical docks so I went down to the medical docks and the doctor told me not to come any closer. There were some fish in the water and they had stickers that said "RENAL FAILURE" on them. The doctor handed me ten kilos of marzipan shaped like my couch.

2008-12-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

all of the sudden it is like foreign radio from tubes. like a roast in the oven and we say we are from arizona.

i am like a constant grasp following 1). the sort of thing & 2). billowing marmaduke comics.

all tones.

My Summer Balaclava

2008-12-20T15:22:00.000-08:00

Noam Chomsky was in an airplane and then he was in a helicopter. He went to Circuit City because he didn't want to spend a lot of money and they were having a Store Closing Sale.

The next day Noam Chomsky ate a very large pot pie. There were bones in the pot pie because he accidentally ordered the Bone Pot Pie.

Outside the birds were making a rustling sound. Were they in the garbage? Were they in the tall wheat? Were they in the large basket?

The fact of the matter remained that Noam Chomsky ate stale bread all day. He said it made him sound like a better person.

Noam Chomsky's favorite arcade game is Primal Rage.

Before we found out about The Tiny Dread we sat down for afternoon prayer. After we found out about The Tiny Dread we started breaking our dishes and finding out about bad bit compression.

Noam Chomsky on the railroad tracks, sprawled, jaw like a snake's, all fours at the cardinal directions.

2008-12-18T06:36:00.000-08:00

Great day. Big great day. Sandra is out back raking the leaves and the leaves are frozen. Sandra is raking the leaves and they clump up and are then thrown into the creek. There are fifty clumps of frozen leaves in the creek. There is a dog named Bucolic.

Sandra comes inside and doesn't look at the ground or the ceiling. There are a few leaves in her hair and she touches them with her left hand. Some of them fall to the ground and melt like they wanted to melt so hard on the ground. Bucolic licks the ground. Sandra is done raking all of the leaves and walks inside even more. She is deep within the inside and has some frozen leaves melting into her hair. It makes her hair look like sausage gravy and it also looks like maple syrup and it also looks like the song "Silver Bells" combined with the song "Dinner Bells" because we are young and stupid.

Bucolic jumps on top of a chair and.

Sandra goes to the computer chair and logs into her internet accounts. After a series of fifty clicks all of her internet accounts are deleted. Everyone in the world is reminded of that time That Big Man went inside of a small box and The Strong Man went inside of a small box and they both died.

Sandra stood up from her computer chair and grabbed her rake. Bucolic grabbed her dog leash and froze in time. Sandra saw Bucolic freeze in time and she decided she would do her best to pretend to freeze in time to make Bucolic feel better.

Here is what we make when we are in a hole and all we can play is DoDonPachi and don't ask me about Dai Ou Jou cause I ain't played that shit yet:

2008-12-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh
fuh fuh fuh x6
x8 x8 x9 x9 x9 x9
and then we all say MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN
MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN
and getting pissed off MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN
MAX CHAIN (YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT ANOTHER ONE)
a ladder falls down and I say god damn that noise and it is a step ladder
and the hole is a step up from a step underground so we are fucked
it is built into the ground and it is black and white which MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN
MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN doesn't matter cause you know
and then a spotted dove flies down with a slice of pizza
we scream we scream and the spotted dove is all like:
fuuuuuuuuck. yooooooooou. and vertical hold is off and we get out
of this hole before digging up the TV so we give each other piggy back rides
going MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN
MAX CHAIN MAX CHAIN on chapter one forever.

2008-11-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

We threw our cherry tomatoes at signs and walls on the walk back. A song from a duck was a nice sound to hear right after that. The next weekend I went to load my favorite internet page. 624 errors opening the page. For more information, choose Activity from the Window menu. 632 errors opening the page. For more information, choose Activity from the Window menu. 659 errors opening the page. For more information, choose Activity from the Window menu. I told my dog to fuck off. I played some blues guitar. I forgot all about my candied apple.

Called Jandek but he wasn't home. Went outside to see what I could do. Began to pluck eyebrows until skin turned sort of blue. Began to reap all sorts of benefits. Began to fall down.

Okay so we return. His head round and beaten from something rusty, his head moans when he talks to me, something shifts I can feel it. This guy is next in line if there could be a line. The guy leaves seeing I am enveloped in a conversation which does not pertain to books or anything book related at all.

I bet you guys want something sexy to happen.

I was born with sight. When I was 18 years old, I began losing my vision. I saw my dog and we walked down a road. The road broke halfway.

Here is a picture of a smiling dog:

: 3)

2008-11-09T09:24:00.000-08:00

Here I am finding out that OH Hello Here I am making a point.
Makin a thing that hello hi here we are i want you to know where i am and what i am doing.
here is a link (because i have links in certain places we make links like we don't stop making links) about grabbing at things here is an animated gif here is my whole reason.

this page will automatically refresh.

this page will auto embed.

because we made a new bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb.

making sure of HELLO MY FRIENDS and it gets short and uninteresting.

I Am Sitting In A YouTube

2008-10-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

Here Is A Gradual Example:

2008-10-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

1. Baby ducks? Baby ducks? Bunny rabbits, fifteen dollars? Good size bunny rabbits?

2. Here I am, proposing ideas and explaining myself in a clear, fairly concise manner. Presentation with a sound that makes "ding" and people hypertext link.

3. Hey baby how about turning around for me until we watch this flash animation and then you

4. I want to make a book with a wealth of certainty and then stack all five copies and stand on the stack. I'm going to make a chapbook that is nine feet of two dimensional space.

5. Barack just feels weird all of those people feel weird like they want to go outside and touch me they feel weird like they want to take me inside and rub my arms and then take me outside and rub my arms and then I want them to take me downtown but instead we go out to a local bar and I want to find myself somewhere else but then they giggle and touch the apex of my cheeks like they want something from me so I lay down some beats and we all have a fuckin' good time.

6. Here we are on my private canoe.

DOUBLE DATE

2008-10-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

here we are on a double date i am learning about dogs that are smller
and dogs that are a bit pigger and the ones that are bigger and make a sound
like when they walk around here look:

my arms up my arms are up and they look bent

SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT GRANDPA NOW

also we are on a double date the fact of the matter oh no my coffff
like when they speak you like when they ground it up and dog makes
bzzzz when there is an alarm dog alarms and hopping twice for your li
and instead of building oh hey:

here my arms are waving aorund lllllllll waving around like wfrawofwroaaf
and the pee everywhere and

oh the doubltet double date likewise my doubtle dog wfaworarf like my
oh no NEED TOWELS

OH GRANDPA FOODSTAINS

look at my mouth it is a beauty.
punch my side like you mean it like you want to rupture.

ba da ba da da da ah ya ya ba da da da ba ba ee ah Ba ya ya ba ba de ba da da da ah ya ya ba da ba da da da ah ya ya Verse 1 There used to be a greyin

2008-09-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

:music notes: move out to the country
with a car and a boat and a boat (two booooaaats)
eat a pineapple do not worry about planting crops
dig a big hole with shovel and horse (get a horse)
live under a bridge :music notes:

2008-09-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

Tap tapping tap tap tapping. Hi We've got nine different songs by (what is her name) by the lady who does that one thing AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIII.

1/ a shortstack that is on your plate and it won't come off please make this shortstack come off of my plate please shortstack.

2/ ffffff

3/ this is a landscape i am in: there is one tree and there is one rock and there is one man standing between the two just talking a whole lot with a thick indeterminable accent and then he wants 25$ for a new __________________________________________________.

4/ the loud noise that is a clock on a wall with gears made out of rabbits who almost get entirely crushed but they're alright afterwards but they make their death scream because they think they are going to be crushed in the clock gears.

4.5/ don't go to youtube ever.

5/ somebody out there doesn't like coca-cola classic

6/ IT SOUNDS LIKE

6.333333333333333333/

6.666666666666666666666/

6.99999999999999999999/

7/ at the same time
8/ at the same time
9/ at the same time

10/ please waitress waiter please anyone please please my shortstack.

Jim Belushi and Font Choice

2008-09-17T08:58:00.000-07:00

2008-09-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

I am going to get ripped and have a gigantic body
and by that I mean I'm not really going to get ripped
hey make sure I get up on time tomorrow morning because
Jesus Christ shut the fuck up already I'm trying to rest

I am going to get ripped and have a body not like mine
get up already we're going to the jungle gym wake up
we'll show those kids know how well we can climb

You sound like a car engine and I love it

I'll spend five years in my basement, at a computer, getting ripped
look at my arms they are rockets made out of honey
I sound like a fighter jet and you sound like a fighter jet
let's go to America and then go to France with my money

I read all of this in a letter to Nintendo Power
I went to France and threw rocks at people

2008-09-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

Here everyone takes them outside. They have small things they take outside because they like to take them outside. The inside of the city is okay and the outside of the city is okay too. It is not exactly the outside of the city; they are the outskirts.

The people hold each other silently but with their eyes and also their arms. When they're done they unhold each other and take them outside. When they bring them back inside they think about holding each other. After five minutes of thinking about holding each other they talk to one another about holding each other and then they hold each other until they need to be taken outside.

When the day breaks everyone is immediately aware of the arms of the others. Each day they think about their walls and what they can do with their arms to the walls. Each day they figure out new ways to use their arms in other ways besides holding each other. They show how they can make forms out of their arms. They tell each other stories about going outside and their arms are like goose necks.

The wall is like another body to them, sometimes. Sometimes they wander around the wall and peck at it with their fingers. Sometimes they find parts of the walls that have indentions. These indentions are sometimes shaped like arms. When these points are discovered each citizen fits their arm in the wall and smiles at the person next to them, who might or might not have their arm in a wall.

There are cameras underground but they do not record anything. Film reels about and the ground will pop and hiss at night and will pop hiss in the day. Everyone feels like wrapping arms in arms like a goose will wrap neck in neck.

There are daily things people can do; no one does these things.

When the sun is the highest it has ever been the walls sink, slightly. They take them outside and they smell the ground. They smell the wall. They smell different inches of the wall and they find a small part of the wall and they fit their arm into the wall because they have found that it is shaped like their arm.

2008-08-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

jenny holzer talks about things

text

cafeteria

*A test table with merged cells*
	Average		Red eyes The library has an arrangement with the
	height	weight	Red eyes The library has an arrangement with the
Males	1.9	0.003	40%
Females	1.7	0.002	43%

h>Males1.9
0.00340%
Females lectures.

lectures.

2008-08-17T02:30:00.000-07:00

making sure it is right there. over there. telling everyone and telling the orange bucket the seat is that way because it is like a cockpit. unable to detail how it is comfort. back seat and having my head outside and then inside and they were laughing, or, one of them, huddling on a lap because something some nets in the head were up to something. head in a trench in the future. head in a cockpit and not able to say what a cockpit is like.

during this time or after and after we broke a window. looking at people but right now it was like a lumbering arm made of inappropriate lengths of blackgray metal. i was the fastest kid in fifth grade. i fell down a hill once because we were racing. it wasn't official. eating dirt. hey, you. my cockpit my metal frame even braces and a gigantic yellow house i made for you and it will move around because we can move it around. my mother said it was a good idea and my father said it was a good idea and the orange bucket said it was a good idea.

making sure i was outside and then making sure i didn't go back outside for a while and then all of it, all. i changed my wallpaper. i changed my shoelaces.

fifty page comic books made out of comforters and the yellow cockpit.

2008-08-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

gross oversaturation or I. LIKE. THAT. WE. THINK. THAT. WAY. eating at the bus stop and we eat at the bus stop. beef and pork and light cheeses.

OH HI WE ARE AT NIAGRA FALLS. It is great here. We drove down from well I don't know where. But yeah I want to say that yeah I think we made it a good trip and then but I don't really want to go back you know? I made my mind up that once I get back to school I'm gonna go back and then talk to people about it and they will go to Niagra Falls with me. I think Niagra Falls is like professional wrestling because they're both very large.

My big fat orchestra when I fall down stairs.

When I Eat On Top Of Buildings

2008-08-05T17:50:00.001-07:00

Damien Hirst and Billy Childish Give Each Other Blowjobs At The Same Time But They Don't Call It 69'ing.

2008-07-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

The first one thinks about what life is like and then he stops. The second one thinks about what life is like and then he stops. They walk down to the corner and stop to look at each other. They don't think about anything besides the last youtube video they saw. One saw a video on how to make food at home and the other one saw a video about people making computer images that were boring.

I Don't Watch Movies; I Like Dogs.

2008-07-18T23:01:00.000-07:00

Here there are orange faces. Here there are lights like sounds.

Will, he's over here.

It is all breath and I want to say so. Instead of speaking in abstractions I will say that my apartment door is open and I'm watching First Blood again. I like to think about dogs sometimes and what they mean. My first image of them without eyes. No more dog eyes, just smooth fur covering empty skin. No more over that, you know? Walking over, walking everywhere. In a car I say I desire nothing else and yes, _______, and yes, ________, and yes, my cluttered apartment with nothing in it, I mean that.

I don't care about motorcycles flipping around on sides of buildings. I don't want to be a teenage boy saying "Yes, Awesome, I Have Makeup And, Yes, I Want Nothing." I can understand. I want to burn a gigantic pile of money.

Pictures where I can't tell people apart because they are all wearing large sunglasses.

How I want to. Time.gov being my new favorite website.

I've got arms to grow. I've got a plastic pony.

2008-07-14T00:52:00.000-07:00

I hire a clown for my capitalism and I find that it doesn't matter. He mauls rats and I gather their bones. I make fireworks. I sell these fireworks. The tower gets a little bit higher, a little bit higher than a palm tree. On the plane I hate the people next to me. I'm fortunate for the window seat and when they say Please turn off all electronic devices I keep my ipod playing, tucked in my jacket. I like to pretend I am asleep while the plane lands.

When I Am A Thief.

2008-07-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

I will be a head in sand.
I will check my luggage and put medicine.
I will decimate my body parts or maybe the front porch.
We go outside and we look at MTV News.
Listen to me:
I was in a gown and then I wasn't.

I Sing No Prominent Species.

2008-07-09T23:33:00.000-07:00

I talk about how I am a prominent species. I want to go back to you and find these strange scents once more. The sounds in my head I didn't know these voices and chords I find unknowingly and blissfully.

Today I sat outside and I was smoking a cigarette in the rain (Oh Yes He Sounds So Cool) and saw the loosely tangled hairs on my legs and thought about jellyfish and the strip clubs of the future. I thought about submerging into the ocean, naked, at dusk, calmly. I thought about making something break and suddenly turn cohesive.

I thought about my cousin who had apparently ate twenty Tylenol and drove his parents' car into a tree. I thought about how, in blank concept, that was something admirable. I thought about how, as it happened, it was nothing to ponder over besides "Oh, oh God."

I said, "Rot in Hell, Spam is fake!!!!" and I went to Yahoo Answers and made awful Answers and I felt bad about what I was doing so I stopped. I thought about burying myself in the sand and I have done that before and I could not move and I panicked.

I saw a half crab today but it was not an artificial half crab. Something else had half crabbed it. Black little shits of eyes. Tired little shits of claws. Dry little shits of innards.

A big forehead in a shopping center and I wanted to smack it with an open palm.

2008-07-08T17:39:00.000-07:00

hey man, I reauty of the man, I reauty of the american yond kentucky and really try to get to know the places landscape art and encourage.hey man, I really like your new sercan landscape art and encn, I reility and possibilitthe beauty of the american lant. This could give you gsibilitthe beaudscape anis coucould give you good chanld give you good chance to branch out beyondnch out beyond kuld give you good chance to branch out beyond kentudscape and the diversty within icky ave you good chanceauty of the man, I reauty e to branc good chance to branch out beyond kentucky and really try to get to kld give you auty of the mae ance to brae your new sercan landscape art and encn, Inc good chance to branch out be you venture to. I support and .

2008-07-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

The crabs stand outside of their crabholes and shake and click like they are on TV. The crabs do not make sounds but the crabs raise their claws above their eyestalks when you raise your hands above your head. Eating sand or making wolf sounds and one tiny pale ruby fish flopping and picking it up and heaving your fingers out with the fish into the ocean and it doesn't bend but you look down a little bit and then it doesn't bend. Trying not to count on hands and feet. Eating at Maslow. Eating at sand and eating
at
open gigantic anchor. Breathing everything and laughing at small "diggy crabs" between fingers. The man with an open blade eating crabs running on the beach with red backs and turtle eyes all chalky. Suction guts like big fat tiny wires gigantic red back hacking at the sand over and over. Digging up more sand and hacking at sand breaking his back. Eating the middle of crab and eating
at
half of crab on sand other half of crab in water.

Airport Poem #1

2008-07-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

Things Shawty Is/Does/Wears

2008-07-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

Apple Bottom Jeans

A Ten

Gets Low

Keeps Me On The Ringtone

A Animal

My Lil' Bust Baby

Boots With The Fur

Gets It

Gets Loose

Snappin'

Bought A Drank

In The Bed Like Ooh, Ooh, Ooh

Drops

Has Class

Hits the Floor

Gives Big Booty A Smack

Hot Like A Toaster

Worth The Money

Has Tattoo Above Crack

Makes It Drop

2008-06-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

I like to think about what would happen. Some kind of free-wheeling situation where I don't have to have money and all I have is a horse. The horse doesn't do shit besides eat and walk and gallop and shit and nuzzle things when it feels a bit off. I'm not sure what color the horse would be, and I know this is an important part of having a horse. If it is the only thing I will have, outside of a few scant items, I'm sure it would be an important choice, the horse color.

My horse's name would be Skin.

People I don't really know or like but they are my Facebook Friends for some reason or another Vol. 2

2008-06-22T15:13:00.001-07:00

2008-06-18T20:06:00.000-07:00

I'm fearful I'm only known for my boy/manness and gigantic cock. Maybe I am just a gigantic statue in the middle of the road with a gigantic statue cock and you can't drive around it you have to fuck it with your car. I don't even bother to fight it I just accept my monolithic statu(r)e and say, "Hey, yes, okay" and "Of course Sara Jessica Parker is not a magazine." I feel it to be a problem.

I will not stalk you at any point. I will not harass you at any point. If not, you'll know it and never hear from me again.

I eat at the Steak Diner and blow my nose once. I hate this steak dinner and I blow my nose again and I'm fearful the only reason I exist, right now, at Steak Diner, is to occupy the position for having the most gigantic cock of all of the Steak Diner patrons.

2008-06-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

I think there was a lightning bug (firefly) hiding in the faucet. Hiding is not the best word, I'm sure. Perhaps it was just staying. I like the fact that I saw a lightning bug (firefly) in the daytime and that isn't dead in a mason jar with three tepidly punctured holes on/through/with the lid. They are with a fine graphite dust. Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead fireflies. Seven dead fireflies.

This one, however, was not dead and did not seem upset at the fact. Where do they go during the day, anyways? I bet you they live in trees! I bet you they live underground, near trees! I bet you they live wherever the goddamn fuck they want to. This one wanted to live in a faucet. If I didn't rinse the glass out I probably would have drank the firefly (lightning bug) because oh boy was I ever thirsty. A little flash coming from my belly button! The both of us going "Ha ha haaaaa" because they can live wherever the goddamn fuck they want to.

A fly went up my nose when I was going down a very steep hill on a bike. In the mountains. The panic was so fresh! None of this routine anxiety. Wind stopping at my nose wind eating my face and a deep buzz towards my eyes. Trying to blow the little guy out during my descent but nothing! No fly! Wasn't even sure it was a fly! At the bottom of the hill I probably had my helmet lopsided and just a big Snot Fly not going anywhere.

I want to say I pissed it out. They're all connected, right?

So the last thing we were both thinking was "Ha ha haaaaa" and then I finished my bike ride.

So the (lighting bug/firefly) was wiggling in the sink and I am all Ha ha haaaaa and the only impression I get from the insect is "Wheeeeee" and I laugh out loud but I wasn't on the internet and then he crawls into a spoon in the daytime. I will take some medicine tonight and it will be a dark cherry red and the lightning bug firefly will still be there going "Wheeeeee" and I will say something about a medicine bath and it will be so happy that it will glow and the last thing I will see that night is a bioluminescent dot in the middle of the nighttime spoon.

Here it is after roughly five hours of not going back to the sink/finishing these words:

how he almost tried to shoot his head

2008-06-12T22:06:00.000-07:00

big head like a fly. big head like a beetle. big head like a walrus trunk in how i. at how i. though how i. it moves like a breakfast bar on a sunday. it chirps like a windowsill and you know Big Boss is already dead and the fact of what is known as CAPS LOCK

VITAMIN C

things are dead in a sense. brief dead and i'm glad i don't have to go out and spend $600. thanks a bunch major zero. we get the connections and i want to tell you "maybe i have to become a programmer and base grunt before i can make anything worth of note."

because i'm not involved in a "community" or any respected leagues all i do is sit at the wall and make it burn, slightly. a gut like a gut short like a bridge of electrons i do my best to fend it off.

i'm here to make beautiful words. nudge me. a muzzle.

2008-06-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

I go home and take my clothes off and reach for my bat. I reach for my And No, I don’t. I clock in and reach for my bat. A commercial comes on. I read about the different ways of speaking to people. I climb on top of a building and from there I don’t work.

I break down on top of a building and after that nothing else happens. I break a piece of the building but I’m not sure which part or how. Yesterday I was talking to you about being naked and here I am, here I am baby, naked, named. And I look up. I clock in at about twenty miles per hour. I don’t. Something about the way you said Oh how you pick up the pace. Oh. Tops of buildings. Lips of buildings. Cast and sand and mold. My termite mind. Yellow lights to no lights to orange lights to no lights to orange lights. The lips of buildings. My knees jerk and I look slowly. I feel a 5.2. I feel a 4.3. I feel a 6. I fall down naked. The tops of buildings. If I could I would “many people find you attractive” and. The blue lights. They make my arms feel without joint and gaps exist inches apart I love you I love you. The tops of buildings of lips.

Leave.
It.
To.
Me.

I tell you I like Remus. I tell you blue lights. I tell you I like Remus. I reach for my bat I speak to people I turn on a television set I break something minor my watch is out of batteries my stomach is motor oil my bread is ripe five blue lights like birds a heartbeat once every twice of mine. Speak, Is this your version? I cash my check and lay down on your lips and speak only twice, once to see myself and twice to see you understand I reach for my bat and lights hum and lights chatter above the back of my head they circle they circle they circle they circle.

2008-06-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

I like The Next Generation but I do not like Deep Space Nine. I have only watched maybe three episodes of this. Of each one.

I do not like Deep Space Nine. I think I like Borgs, but maybe I just like the sound of the word. I also like The Swedish Chef because he says "Bork" which is like "Borg."

Baby's First Print

2008-06-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

There are now copies of Sprung Formal out for sale on The Internet. This is the first big thing for me, because I am included with famous people (in some circles, at least, but I think this is how fame works out with certain people who are not a part of Hollywood or the music industry or other big stupid topics that are obvious to everyone and we all know about these things so why not just end the parenthetical sentence) and I don't feel like I should be included with these famous people because why me.

Famous people include: Tao Lin, K. Silem Mohammed, Jennifer L. Knox, Michael Magee, and fledgling famous guy (I mean this is a good way), Robert J. Baumann.

I also really liked the work of Kari Freitag. I would post more student contributors but I don't have links to their blogs. If they have them. Oh, Ryan MacDonald. Forgot.

Anyways.

PLEASE visit the link above if you want to purchase a copy. As I understand, there aren't a whole lot of copies to go around. I am sure they will sell out sometime. I can imagine you (yoooooou) not getting one because I've seen people make blog posts with links to this magazine already. I don't like to operate in this mode of promotion, or, at least, I'm not comfortable with it yet.

PS it is raining outside and I don't have the internet at home and I am at the library and this spacebar is horrible. I will post writing writing things soon hopefully.

Punching A Punching Bag In A Wheelchair

2008-05-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

Environmental Installation 5/23/08

2008-05-23T17:16:00.000-07:00

2008-05-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

My new driver license makes me look like Joe Brainard even more, I think. That is awesome, probably.

Here is the thing I had in the Sprung Formal Literary Magazine

2008-05-16T20:49:00.000-07:00

If, for some reason, I can mail out copies, I will be more than glad to do so. But, I don't think that will be the case. Maybe a paypal thing will come up. (There might be a youtube video of me doing the reading but I don't know.)

Look At Things And Look At Something Else

I took a nap and then I heard someone knock on my door so I opened it and there was a box. I looked at it and saw my mom sent it and I'm still surprised she sends me things because I am raising an awful grandchild she says. There is nothing in the box so I go out and find some kittens and write FREE KITTENS on the side of the box. I come home to my son and show him the box with kittens in it and I tell him son these kittens are free do you want one? He looks up at me from his Legos and gets a handful of kittens in each hand and starts screaming. The kittens start to scream and I decide to scream as well and while we're screaming I wonder how we are going to eat.

I wrote a book yesterday and then after I wrote my book I read it. I sold it to a man working in the tollbooth and I hope he got rich off of that book. A year later I found out that he had changed my title from BANG A GONG OR NOT to THE TOLLBOOTH. I don’t know if he got rich off of the book but that is okay. I came home and my son was sitting on the carpet and was watching THE TOLLBOOTH on the TV. We smiled at each other and watched TV and at the end of it my son said he got rich off of the movie and I said yes son he certainly did would you like a cigarette and my son said no thank you but I would like to watch so we went outside and I smoked a cigarette and my son was laughing and clapping the entire time and I smiled.

I walked to the store and bought some sharp cheddar and bird food. The woman at the register said the total would be $10.62 and I gave her $11.00 and walked away with my items. I sat in the park and fed birds while I ate my sharp cheddar. One bird wanted my sharp cheddar and I would not let him have any. I fell asleep and then I woke up and my sharp cheddar was gone and the bird food was gone so I went to the store to buy replacement sharp cheddar and bird food. I had to pay full price and I carried my items in a plastic bag and went home. The bag felt like a bag so I looked inside and there was a bird in it and I tripped and fell and hurt the bird in the bag. My son nursed the bird back to health with a constant dose of sharp cheddar and then he told the bird something about plastic bags.

I call this one "Help I am a Conceptual Artist working in an Ice Cream Store"

2008-05-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight I mopped again because I have been there every Sunday night we do so many things there. I stand there and wipe glass and he says what are you thinking and I stare at him for a couple of seconds and I'm not quite sure how to say anything at this point in time so I wave my washrag around my head like it is a big fat stupid fly but big and white and wet and it prunes my fingers sometimes.

I think about the floors and the Electrolux and they come out from the back and say something about the floor in the back and I think about quitting my job again and how nice that would feel. Then I think about how I need money for the summer because like hell if I'm going home even though this summer at home won't be like the last one where I have to work 70 hours a week and go home and drink at 2:30 and then wake up and jack off and go to work. Then I think about how much money I have and if I can last for a while. I think about selling my things. I think about selling my car I just bought, but that makes me feel cheap and sad.

Someone says something else and then I think about quitting my job and I feel good for a while. I think about going home for the summer and I feel good for a little bit because I'd just sit around and play with the dog and pet the cats and maybe take a drive to the mountains but no I can't because my car can't really go outside of state lines and I think about selling my car.

I vacuum the front part and all I can think about is the most effective way to vacuum with the Electrolux. I have to tilt it different ways when going back and forth so all of my thoughts are interrupted with "downup, updown, downup, updown" and I think about my canker sore and then I drink some Coke. I think "Help I am a Conceptual Artist working in an Ice Cream Store." I think about talking to Gabi while she is drying cups and telling her this is the most awful place to have any sort of existential thought going on isn't it.

Two people there just graduated. I don't know what they do.

We go outside and before that I'm thinking about how I should talk more because I am a nice person to talk to and I have good thoughts and good things to say right I mean isn't that the case? At the reading yesterday (I will write another blog post about that and probably post my writing which was published because I don't think you can order it online) everyone said "Hey you are Alex ______ and I liked your thing and I don't know who you are who are you Alex _____?"

I don't think people like me or what I do sometimes. I do not have "confidence".

We go outside and I tell her "Lock it" because I tell her I get sassy when I am sick and then at the second gate she starts to lock it and I say no I will lock this one I have never locked a gate before and so I lock it but the lock breaks and the spring comes out but we get the spring back on and she messes around with the lock for a little bit and locks the gate.

We walk to our cars and people talk about it and the guy says things about the car and how they made it and what they did and how it is modeled after a pointed finger. They like the sounds the locks make. The guy pulls out a pipe and I think about how stupid those pipes look and I think about my shoes I haven't changed in three years. I think about what music I want to listen to when I go to bed.

2008-05-03T23:00:00.000-07:00

THIS IS THE ORDER OF THINGS:
ONE
BOOKS
BOTTOM SHELF
OHARA (MERRY CHRISTMAS)
BUBBA HO-TEP

NOT THE SHELF
REDFISH
WATT
ONE GIGA BYTE
GLASGOW SUNDAY

NOT THE NOT THE SHELF
STUDIOS!
CHOPPER MYPRICECHOPPER.COM
MY COLD SKIN
BLANK INTERNET CANCER

"THANK YOU FOR LIVING"

THINGS NOT MUCH OF ANYWHERE
CAR RIDE
ACTIFED
TINY THINGS IN THE BODY
A GRIP I'M NOT TOO AWARE OF
MY SINKING FACE

2008-04-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

Something about The Fern Trade.

One cup of this is 110 calories and 3/4 cup of this is 190 calories and I don't know how many cups I am eating or drinking.

Too many parts of my body are warm.
" " " " " " " cold.
" " " " " " " tingly.

I am not comfortable with this.

Warm: Elbow Joints, Ears, Feet, Knees, Lap (because of computer), Inside of Nose
Cold: Forearms, Fingers, Plastic Sheets, Elbow Joints (it changed), Arms
Tingly: Head, Eyes, Throat, Burden, Burden, Tongue, Chest, Eyelids, Shoulders

All sorts of things seem like innocent borders right now.

There is a PDF File of people doing things. I clock in and think about a PDF File of myself. I think that I am a PDF File and We all say Oh hello it is time for big ideas. I drink a PDF File of Orange Juice and eat a PDF File of Toasted Whole-Wheat Flakes & Flaxseed. Faxes are sent out and after that the fax says: We have found another use for phone lines. Do you want to know what these phone lines are about now?

I did not stop by the grocery store.

No, not if you ask me.

I feel like I could put a needle under each eye and pale air would seep out.

I shave with an Error 404.

2008-04-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

At work tonight I thought about a lot of good things to "write" but I have forgotten them since. It boiled down to:

I am not meant to sit down and write.

I'm not entirely sure what that means yet.

Mop smell smells like The Disc Exchange (the smaller one) and elementary school.

I had a very good phrase in my head tonight, but I dropped it.

I just "friended" a person I knew in high school on my Facebook. He is boring, from what I remember. He likes to play drums and my other drum-playing friend (who knows how to play drums. He plays them like he is having sex, but I don't think he has had sex. He plays the drums like he is getting a blowjob. I am pretty sure he has had at least a blowjob. He definitely plays drums like he is masturbating successfully and pleasurably.) says that he plays drums like he is having tepid sex. I don't think either of them have had sex yet. I cannot imagine them having sex.

Facebook says he is in a relationship with a high school girl.

Here is a picture of them from Facebook, because he was so willing to offer me his internet presence. I can do what I want with these things:

I feel entirely able but not because of the internet. That might have something to do with it.

Tomorrow (later today) I will yell so much.

2008-04-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

My stomach swells and I do not look at anyone and I do not look at anyone I just look down because I have to see where I am walking. I've got a growth somewhere on my body and I've got a sledgehammer. I might have two glass eyes and I might like that sometimes.

I go outside and make holes and I squat down to look at these holes and I think to myself, "These holes." The holes are small and somewhat unoffensive and there are four of them.

I wrap myself up on the floor and I throw up into a blanket.

Huh.

2008-04-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

Oh hello.